Mother's Day approaching

With Mother's Day approaching, I find myself in a strange predicament. I can't share half of what I feel with everyone due to the emotional weight of it all. I mean, who wants to really hear someone say they're NOT looking forward to Mother's Day and that all they want to do is skip the day. I am plagued with the battle, begging the Lord's victory, yet wishing I could avoid it all together. My mom's not dead, so... Most people would chalk my honest feelings up to hormones or emotional unstability.

I miss her like crazy! I need her more than I want to admit. No human can fill that hole in my heart. I can't go see her. I can't call her up. I CAN'T EVEN REJOICE IN HER BEING IN HEAVEN BECAUSE SHE'S NOT THERE EITHER! I have sacrificed it all to the Lord a thousand times, but if I were to be honest... I want her back. I cry and mourn over our loss, yet there's no gravestone to visit.... no closure. I don't know if she understands me when I speak to her, and I don't know what goes on in her thoughts or heart. I hurt badly when I think of the reality of dementia and the questions the diagnosis brings to light instead of answers. You could tell me that a million people are in my same shoes, but it doesn't lessen the pain. I can't bear to try to be strong for my father. I can't swallow and say I'm ok. But I can't unload... who would want to carry that load. And yet I know the Lord is my sustainer and the lifter of my head.

I'd love to say that on Mother's Day I will go to a nursing home and visit with dementia patients, that I will reach out and minister to someone because of what I'm going through myself. Yet I find that all I want is an empty church with an open altar to pour out my honesty and brokenness to the only one that really wants it. I have more questions and I'm sure I've crossed the line with God many times during this season... So thankful for His mercy and grace! So thankful for His sacrifice and the realness of being in His presence.

So, I will rejoice in that, though I will be mourning this Sunday. I will likely put on a mask in compassion for those who cannot bear the burden. I will pray that I do not get in the way of hearing from the Lord... that I can bless those around me this Mother's Day. I pray the Lord will use me despite myself. For only He can bring good from this! Praise to the Lord, for He IS good!

Update on the kids (Nov 2010)

Update on the kids:

Clayton LOVES trains, his puppet-backpack (curious George... who just secretly decided to hibernate for a time), movies, games on the IPOD, his LeapFrog TAG books, praying for Luke and Joshua and Jacob and Jared and their mommy and daddy and Jaxson and occasionally for gum and candy and not getting out of bed so he won't get in trouble, riding his "motorcycle," feeding the ducks, eating at Pizza Inn (they have TV with cartoons), brushing his teeth, swimming (right now bathing is as close as he gets to swimming), acting like a dinosaur and roaring, watching cartoons on the "puter," listening to his favorite song REALLY LOUD in daddy's car (MercyMe's "This Life"), saying "Bryson, NO, NO" and "Mommy, look..." when Bryson's doing something he shouldn't be doing, sleeping with the "shh, shh, shh..." noises on (crickets from the sound machine in their room), helping Mommy bake or cook, helping in any way as long as he thinks it's fun, etc...

Bryson LOVES to do ANYTHING his brother is doing, say "Tan Too" (Thank you) and "Wo Wo" (You're Welcome) and "DAHD" (Dog) and "Bu" (Bug) and "Bahber" (Diaper) and "dow" (down) and "BA" (Bye) and others I can't remember right now, taking his shoes and socks off EVERY time we go ANYWHERE, reading books and playing with them (most of the time trying to shred them or eat them), pulling clothes out of all the drawers, putting Clayton's underwear on his hear or arm or leg, wearing mommy or daddy's shoes all over the house, plugging and unplugging things (yikes), playing with Bubba's trains and tracks (sometimes destroying them), getting into daddy's backpack at any possible moment, trying to get to the computer to pull keys off again, going through mommy's purse, taking baths, pinching his bubba and trying to act as tough as he can, saying cheese for the camera, running like a Clydesdale horse, screaming at the top of his lungs just because he can, climbing on anything, climbing specifically up on the changing table to take all the wipes out of the box. He's very dramatic when he's upset. He has to sleep with a onesie on or he will take off his diaper (wet or dirty, doesn't matter). He has to sleep with his bear and dinosaur. If it's quiet, he's always doing something naughty.

I'm sure I'll think of more. Maybe I'll post again later :) They are best friends and such a blessing to us!

The move to Abilene

Most of you reading this blog will know Eric and I enough to know this story. BUT, I thought it would be good to have it all written down in one spot. Let's see how well I can articulate how this journey has transpired.

Years ago Eric and I prayed about direction in regards to his education, life goals, ministry opportunities, etc. Hearing God's voice is not easy, though. Our own ideas and desires very quickly muddy the waters. Eric has always had stirrings toward ministry and has never been able to settle on doing one particular thing. We've pursued many things in many places we thought God had called us to. It was a frustrating many years as we tried to refine God's voice. The most frustrating thing was probably talking to people about our dreams or our next plight and then having to share with all of those people why we eventually couldn't follow through. I firmly believe we didn't miss God's voice many years ago when Eric started pursuing finishing his college education at U of H Clear Lake, then at Sam Houston, then looking at SFA, then Baptist College of Florida, and now here at Hardin-Simmons University. I think there were many things gained in waiting until the right moment. So how DID we get here?

Earlier this year, Eric and I once again came together in prayer about applying to HSU. We didn't tell anyone! We prayed and came to believe that this was where we thought God wanted us. But by this point, we are a little gun-shy. So we approach everything with caution. Still no one knows. He applies for financial aid and follows through with the application procedure for HSU.

Meanwhile, Eric especially is unsure about our ability to follow through with selling our house. We decide to tell a select few people about our new adventure pursuit. Big step! So I ask a friend to help de-clutter and then ask a few realtors to come look at the house. There are some major issues with selling our house, foundation issues being only one of many. We met with one realtor Monday of one week and another Tuesday. I have an appointment scheduled with another realtor Friday that same week. But on Thursday, I began talking with a co-worker about helping me fax my application to Abilene High. In the process of talking with her about selling our house, another co-worker (whom I'd never met before) overheard and mentioned that she was in real estate. I asked her if she minded coming to look at the house Saturday. She got my information and I faxed my papers. On a side note, a friend of mine had told me about her connection with the superintendent of Abilene ISD. She put in a good word and assured me that he would help me if that's the direction I wanted to go.

Back to the house... Thursday evening, I told Eric I had scheduled another appointment and we got the kids through dinner and baths. As we were dressing them for bed, we got a knock on our door. Co-worker/real estate agent lady is at my house - unannounced at 8:30 pm. I'm already upset because it was pretty tacky in my opinion to knock on someone's door that late without a prior phone call. BUT we answer the door and she explains that her son is looking for a house and they wanted to walk through tonight if it was okay with us. Right... So they walk through and chat with us for a minute and leave within about 30 minutes. Long story short: we were still looking for a realtor with the house not yet listed (nor an asking price determined) and within 2 weeks we had a contract with this lady who wanted to pay cash for her son and daughter-in-law to move in immediately... like as in before school ended. YIKES but HALLELUJAH!

HUGE hurdle and God took us over it without a scrape of the knee. So, we've sold the house, but have no job. I sent an email to the superintendent in hopes that my friend was right in saying he would help me. He replied back that he'd help in any way he could (which seemed a little vague and political at first) So Eric and I come together to pray again about the job situation. Remember that teaching jobs in a town where there are three universities and a junior college are hard to come by. But we lay it before the Lord. Within 24 hours of that prayer, the principal at Abilene High called me and said that the superintendent had recommended me for a job and that he was eager to interview me that day! We scheduled a time for him to call back. He officially interviewed me later that day over the phone and said he was very interested. I told him I was too, but that I wanted to pray about it. We emailed back and forth in the next 2 weeks and God gave me a peace about the job. He called again 2 weeks after the first interview to conduct a second interview and in turn offer me the job over the phone! I accepted. 2nd hurdle cleared! HALLELUJAH!

So Eric and I are getting anxious again about the loose ends that haven't been tied up. We didn't have a place to live and couldn't afford much. We didn't live in Abilene, so we couldn't just go drive around... We had applied for married student housing for HSU but hadn't heard back yet. So once again we get together and specifically petition the Lord to provide. Within 24 hours, we get a call saying that we have a housing assignment AND it happened to be the house that Eric and his roommates lived in before he left HSU (and the house we met in :) )! 3rd hurdle cleared! HALLELUJAH!

Somewhere in there, he gets accepted to HSU and receives some scholarship money. Two more victories! People from Heights bless us with gifts, money, prayers, a brand new Mac laptop! The blessings keep pouring out and God continues to confirm His will in ways he really didn't have to!

God had paved the way for us to get to Abilene! All we had to do was say goodbye and take the steps He would lead us down. Goodbye was hard. I won't lie. I still miss the comforts of having family near, having a fireplace, a backyard with more than 2 trees, friends to hang out with, a dishwasher, etc. But God has been SO faithful in getting us here, there's been no doubting His plan.

So as we are settled now and struggling through a new set of hurdles, we covet your prayers! Getting here was easy. God made it easy. Nothing has been easy since. We are continually having to let go of our materialism and well... OUR plan. God hasn't been too predictable, but He's ALWAYS been faithful! He's pruning and providing. Eric and I are closer than we've ever been. Our kids are a bit lonely... we're still praying through that one. But OH how He's been faithful to us!

Pray for Eric (well all of us) as he will be serving at a small local church (we think the vote will go through :) ) and still going to school full time. We believe God has led us there and will be faithful in accomplishing His purposes through us there! Pray that we keep our eyes on the Author and Perfecter of our faith and that we would run this "race" well! Thank you all for your encouragement and support through all of this! We couldn't have done this as well without such a strong network behind us! We love you all!

Melissa, Eric, Clayton and Bryson

And yes, I will try to update the blog more often and keep it shorter in length :) (I started this entry back in July... haha)

Jury duty week

So this past Monday I was called for jury duty in Angleton. Eric had been about a month prior, so I was looking forward to a day off :) Once I reported, they put me in a group and told us to come back at 1:30. So since there's nothing to do in Angleton, I moseyed on down to Lake Jackson and killed some time at Hobby Lobby and reading my Bible.

I fully expected to be dismissed when we got back (like Eric was), but they pulled us in to a room and started interviewing us. They didn't tell us what the case was about, but asked a lot of questions around details of the case. Have you had a bad experience with the police? Have you been a victim of retaliation? Would the "F" word or racial slurs offend you in a manner that you would not be able to get past it? Is there any other legitimate reason why you feel like you should be excused from this jury? And 1000 other questions like it. It took the span of the afternoon to conclude the interview process and they waited until all the questions were asked to dismiss anyone. There were 60 of us in that room with the judge and lawyers (and defendent). I didn't get much of a chance to respond. And he said in the beginning, "You talk, you walk." Oh well. They sent us out for a time and then called us back in to read the list of juror names as well as a list of 35 others who had to report back the next day for a different judge. Haha. They thought they were done. I really don't understand why people hate jury duty so much. I guess if you don't get paid, it would be aggravating. It was kind of like a vacation for me, being paid without spending my leave days.

SO, report back at 8:45 so we can start at 9, they say. JUST KIDDING. I have learned that there are many similarities to Hollywood's depiction of trials, but the part where they make the jury wait outside for half the time the trial is in process was never accurately portrayed in any shows I've ever seen. Got a lot of Bible reading done.

The history behind the case: William Lewis had a son back in April 2007 at The Woman's Hospital of Texas. He and his wife thought they were being treated unfairly and tried to leave without being discharged. The elevators shut down when you get the baby too close. They couldn't leave and he got agitated. The police officers on duty were called in as soon as the elevator alert went off. The policeman thought the man might cause further problems, made quiet arrangements with the other police officer and used his taser. Mr. Lewis dropped his baby and the officer didn't get to her in time. She hit the floor and was immediately recovered and handed over to the mom. Understandably mad, Mr. Lewis threw insults right and left and made some threats. This was not to be part of the case though necessary in understanding the next part.

In July of 2007, Mr. Lewis called the police officer's home (an unlisted number) and threatened him. Only 2.9 seconds of the conversation made it on tape. The police officer's daughter picked the phone up at that point and handed it to her dad where the last parts of the threat/conversation took place. Mr. Lewis was being charged with retaliation toward a police officer. Sentencing would be anything from 6 months probation or community service (can't quite remember) to 10 years confinement in prison.

We heard from the police officer. We heard from the ex-wife. We heard from his mom. We heard from other police officers and a audio/voice forensics specialist. There were recorded conversations while he served time in prison, phone records, a letter to the ex-wife, a text message sent to the ex-wife after she testified, but A LOT of details left unseen or unheard by the jury. I was unsure about his guilt until the very end. I had been praying over the case and people involved and thought I had made a decision in the end. He was guilty. There was testimony and enough evidence to prove it.

Then deliberation starts. We started out talking about the thoughts we'd been having but weren't allowed to discuss until then. Come to find out, most of the jurors had discredited the main witness (the police officer) and some discredited even the prosecutor. Personally, I thought opposite almost everything they said. The policeman described some details incorrectly concerning the hospital/taser event. Therefore he couldn't be trusted to remember his voice or words correctly concerning the threat. Not to mention that many of them thought there was a conspiracy among the police to cover things up. Why did they not do this or that? They must be hiding something. I argue against a conspiracy and in behalf of the credibility of the cop. I have forgotten details of a stressful event 2 years prior, but will never forget the hurtful words said to me on occasion. The evidence didn't show the phone records registered to Mr. Lewis, though the numbers matched the ex-wife's numbers for Mr. Lewis (she's an ex, they say. How can she be trusted?). The police officer can't be trusted according to the other jurors, so his testimony is no longer applicable. So there's not enough evidence. We vote. 11 not guilty. 1 guilty. Lots of sighs and frustrating comments. All directed at the 1. Me. Because it's not the other way around (11 saying guilty and me saying not guilty), I say I'm willing to say there's not enough evidence, but that it makes me sick because I know he's guilty. They ALL agree. Are you kidding me? But they all stick to their judgments of the cop and conspiracy. We find the defendent, Mr. William Lewis, not guilty of retaliation against a police officer... even though we know him to be guilty. Makes me sick.

We were asked to stick around to talk to the attorneys if we didn't mind. We were released from our oath of silence. The prosecutor revealed information that wasn't admissable to the court which would've helped prove his guilt and I felt rotten for having given up so quickly and easily. I don't like confrontation and 11 people that didn't want to be there were trying to convince me to change my mind. I couldn't handle it, but now I wish I could've been stronger. Mr. Lewis is unstable emotionally, though I feel sorry for him with the events that have happened to him. He should've been convicted.

I wish I could rewind time. Yet I have never had such perspective on Jesus paying the sentence for my guilt and counting me "not guilty" in the end. Maybe God intended this to happen. Who can really alter the mind of the Lord if it's not in His plan anways? I pray for everyone involved often. I'll never forget the events or the people involved. I thought I would have a vacation. I thought it would be simpler than this. I didn't count on the "What if"s and regrets. It was a learning experience, to say the least.

Our first post

Welcome to our blog. This is the first time I've tried anything like this. Because we have so many family and friends so far away, we thought this would be a good way to keep everyone up to date on the happenings in our family. And of course we might post other thoughts and such along the way. Thanks for reading and sharing in our life! As you think of us, read our posts, and enjoy our pictures, please do us the honor of remembering us in prayer. We are nothing without Christ and our goal is to honor Him in all we do!

The latest:

Clayton is potty training! We've only had 2 accidents today... so far. For the third day of potty training, I'm feeling pretty good about that. Our babysitter has been SO patient and we are so very thankful for her help and advice as we are venturing into new territory!

Bryson has two teeth and does the army crawl now. He's a vocal baby, for sure! We will get weight and height stats when he goes in for his 6 month appointment.

Eric is still working at the church and coordinating the Upwards basketball program. We are still living across the street from my dad (for those who we haven't talked with in a while). We facilitate the Financial Peace University with some other friends from church. I am still teaching at Pearland High School. This is my 5th year there and I'm starting to get comfortable with routines and organization. I think I kind of like it :) Eric and I are learning to be on "mission" for the Lord wherever we are and it has changed our perspective about our lives. God has been teaching us a lot!

My mom is still in an assisted living facility in Alvin. She is bound to a bed or chair. She lost her ability to feed herself, walk, talk, or do a majority of things we take for granted. They are good to her at the home. I am thankful for that. My dad is strong because God gives him the strength. I continually wonder how people manage to deal with family or friends who have dimentia without the Lord guiding and comforting them. Who could truly come to terms with dimentia or any other disease without knowing the Lord and His mighty Hand? How great is our God! And how I trust Him everyday!

Thanks again for visiting. We will update as we can! And I promise we will post pictures soon!

Love, the Wyatts